ITS been a while

WOW so its been a while since i blogged ... 
what can i say life is busy and never stops .
so what has been happening we finally got accepted by the cerebral palsy association for social work and to and so on for taiy and they are working with us as a whole family, we get weekly in home visits ,which makes life easy as i drive here there and everywhere all the time and its easier in home kids have there surroundings i can have tea ready to go and bath as soon as appointment over ...................altho life at the moment is mentally draining .....................sometimes i feel so alone like im going crazy ,dont get me wrong i have an amazing hubby that is hard working and as he can for our lil family .........and i love him even more for this BUT dealing with social workers teachers schools doctors and JUST everyday kids stuff really takes its toll I would not change ever ever having my babies But when you have a baby  you really really never ever prepare for different No one ever tells you how scary tiring and hard it is when things dont go By the soo called book .....................i just want to say again i would never change ever having them i refused testing for down syndrome during all 4 Pregnacys as i vowed to love and care and have my babies no matter what ............i guess the hardest thing is no family support i see other familys those with special needs children and those with (normal )children and they just have the most amazing familys if the kids are sick people come watch them while parents are work .......... Holidays weekends away i do get jelouse when i see all this i reach out and get a response of you have a husband      he can help ................... i would Love to go to a 1 day womans conference at my church in 3 weeks  BUT hubby is booked to work 7 days a week for the next few weeks and we have no one to come hang out with our kids for the day so yes im jelouse LIFE and people can suck ..................... i cant wait to be a nanny so i can look after my grandbabys take them for a weekend a day be there as much as i can because children and also parents need extra people in there life ..................sadly both our families sides are not like this But we vow to be different ..............
AM i sorry if i offend or upset anyone with my posting of this blog NO i will not apologise for feeling alone Tired WORN OUT ,and a tad insane and crazy ...........
YES i have a husband.......... who is working like crazy to attempt to give me and the kids a home that is ours that is stable,safe , we barley sleep ,dont get us time together and i most days am trying to keep my head above water so that i do not drown although sometimes i do feel its a never ending nightmare repeating its self gasping for air but sinking down and down into the darkness of the ocean waves trying to swallow me whole